For the past two Sundays we have been attending church service...yes I know this shouldn't be a big deal but since we have not been attending church services in over 3 years I thought this was something to write about...especially since I feel I am being moved to do so.
There isn't much reason why we have not been attending services other than we stopped during the turmulous days of our pre-adoptive paperwork submission...Aug 2005 to be more exact. Facing our "friends" each week and being assaulted with "how are you's" and "how's the adoption process" were just too much after the first year and coming to face dozens of friends that were expecting babies and hadn't even begun trying until after we had started our adoption process...well it was a bit of a pill to swallow. So its been a while. I have not lost my faith, but I would say in the past few years it has been tested beyond measure. Friends that we thought loved us have turned against us, or became distant. We took it all in stride, keeping contact with those that were truly interested in what we were going through, even trying to keep in touch with those that weren't. Life becomes a routine very quickly and weeks go by fast. Years have flown by in mere moments.
I've missed the fellowship of friends like nothing I can ever describe. When we moved here we thought it was a temporary move. Little did we know that God has other plans in store...I am still trying to figure them out...You know the saying "We make plans, God laughs" well that pretty much describes my life. I am a perpetual planner. Its been hard to let go of the reins. I want to be in control of my life, although I know I would probably just muss it up. I have learned one thing in the past 3 years and its that I am helpless to make anything happen the way I see fit. My dreams do not belong to me. I need to give them up in order to make them a reality. I cannot make them happen. I often wonder if I am dreaming the wrong dreams and that I may be just following my own selfish desires instead of following God's master plan.
So where on earth am I going with this...well it bothers the heck out of me that churches are so divided in their beliefs. I grew up going to a Southern Baptist church...refusing to be baptized just to become a Baptist...I wanted to be a Christian...but how? Once you get saved then what? I did the accept Christ speech thing at a young age at some bible day camp that I attended just to make sure the "say it out loud" box was checked. But something seemed like it was missing. There has to be more to being a Christian than that. My favorite verse since toddler days has always been John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that WHOMSOEVER shall believeth in HIM shall not perish, but have everlasting life" This has been the root of my faith since before I can remember. I don't know who taught me this verse or what age I learned it but it has always been my rock in times of confusion.
So while we have missed the fellowship that a church offers, I have not really missed the political stuff that goes along with it. I miss learning new things from fellow Christians and those that are struggling with lifes burdens. I feel we need to share the tough times to help others that are facing similar situations. I think that is why we have struggles, to help others in need. To have that edge of compassion that only experience can bring. I also think that the body of Christ extends far beyond the walls of a church as we know it. It is in the kind act of a stranger, the loving words of a child, the many acts we see every day and somehow take for granted. It is a love that lives within us, whether we attend a church service or not. I am not saying that you shouldn't attend church but maybe if the church would love the way that Christ loves us then we wouldn't be so hesistant to enter its doors. Acceptance is one of the best gifts a person can give.
Acceptance is often hard, sometimes even within the family unit. We tend to judge based on what we feel is important. Whether a person is dressed differently than we would like, whether they talk in a strange way, or walk in an odd fashion...doesn't matter what it is...everyone has something that we must accept. Acceptance is love. True Love is Unconditional. Unconditional Love comes from God...its a good thing and its a GOD thing. We need more acceptance and more unconditional love in our families and our lives.
I am being tested again to make a move that will forever change our family. Will my family accept this dream? What will they say when I bring it up? They know what has been placed on my heart for a while but time has gone by and I have put it on the back burner to simmer....but the pot is heating up and starting to boil. What will become of it? Will I open it up and allow its sweet fragrance to billow about in the hearts of those I love or will it bubble out unrestrained only to scorch and burn wasted and useless? I'm praying for the answers to come...and my patience to be at peace until they do.
7 comments:
Kim ~ I said a prayer tonight as well. These last few years the Husband and I have been wandering. We are just now returning back to the fold. Hugs to all of you.
I really hear what you are saying. Jon and I haven't been to church since leaving England. It is hard to figure out a whole new scene, and figure out if it's a click(sp?) thing or not. I just don't have the energy for it anymore, but I still believe. Hang in there, you are much stronger than you think.
Wow, thanks guys! Your words really mean a lot and reach deep. I didn't know if I was making any sense whatsoever as I was writing this out and felt like I was sorta on a wild rant or something...so having someone actually understand and put it into your own words is great. Thank You for sharing your thoughts with me.
Yes, I know what you mean about the clicks - our last church had a "click" of stay at home moms and they met for lunch and did things together with their kids which moms that work outside the home just can't do. I have nothing but respect for stay at home moms, I wish I could have been there with them and felt left out when I couldn't be there...even though I know they would have invited me if I could have gone. So it wasn't a click so much as a group that had different opportunities. I know I should be grateful for having a nice job and meeting the nice people I have through the places I have worked but it just isn't the same as sharing laughs with someone and bonding together in that way that you do when you are together with your families. On weekends it seems all we can do just to catch up with the laundry, the errands and then its Sunday and then bam its Monday again and the routine starts over once again. Is that all life is about anymore? Work Work Work
What happened to the simple joys of life? I guess they were all just a part of childhood but I would love to share them with my children and it seems those "little things" that my Mom shared with me are lost to todays world. Everything goes at such a high speed clip...it seems we are always racing to get somewhere when we really have no place to go.
I am just in a quizzical mood tonight...sorry to ramble on and on
I couldn't agree with you more on the church topic. And mind you I don't put "church" and "faith" in the same topic. Do I think we need church?? YES. but I don't feel that church is a place for judgement, we are told we will be judged in heaven, so for me I think churches need to be less concerned about what people have and more concerned with their spirits. JMO. Some churches DO, do this, but it's hard when you move around so often to find that right fit. The place that feels like home and clicks. I haven't found it here yet, nor did I in SC or TX. though admittedly I didn't try very hard after SC. I just think we need less labels and back to basics. We worship the same God, the same Christ is in our hearts why does that have to be so hard??
Anyways. Just wanted to let you know you weren't alone, as for whatever else is weighing on your heart, I'll be praying God gives you the wisdom to know when and how to bring it up. :)
Hugs!
Glad to see this post, and hope you find a fellowship where your family truly feels like you belong. :-)
im definitely not qualify to write anything on the subject. But i agree wt comment fr jonathan n michelle, i think u r stronger than u think. peace to you n family.
Kim, We can just form our own clique! ;) I definitely know where you are coming from. I like our church, but we really don't go that often. We've never really felt entirely welcome there. I don't really feel that you need a church to have a relationship with God, but a good church... a church the fits... can help strengthen your relationship with God.
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