Tuesday, May 26, 2009

All of me...or nothing at all

That is the type of person I am. I cannot live torn in half. You either get all or nothing with me...

So today I find myself torn in half, yet again...and wondering where the future goes from here...

When I met my husband I was about 2 months into the relationship before I found out that he had a wife and two children...I wish sometimes that when I found out I had not only gone the other way but had RUN the other way...

I met his children at the same time I met his parents...that alone should have told me something

Yet dispite our differences, I love him unconditionally

His "other" family is another story altogether...

Praying for the strength and the wisdom to endure the other family that wants nothing to do with us and yet still takes...piece by piece

I feel like a horrible monster for wanting a "normal" family life...but if someone does not want you in their life, how do you become a part of it? If you don't even matter how can you give all that you have to make them momentarily happy? When does the feeling of being ripped into pieces and scattered about stop hurting so much?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wrestling with it

Yes, I am struggling with "this" and I am not sure what "this" may be...I not sure what I am facing or what exactly the whole point of struggling might accomplish...I am having an enormously tough time dealing with the situation and maybe I just need a strong dose of reality to bite me in the arse or someone to remind me that the world does not revolve around me....

I am trying hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart, have patience...and all that

I know I should

I am trying

One day and one step at a time...

Just keep going

Must keep going

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Not exactly the answer I was hoping for...

Scott found out today that a company that has offered him a job here has scheduled him a flight to go to Oregon to meet the company president...and officialize the job. While it is a good thing that Scott has found employment so soon after retirement, we def could use the funds right now....but it also means more time here...how long remains undetermined. I have gotten nothinng but rejection notifications on the hundred job apps I have submitted all over the south...it is frustrating...depressing...and down right disheartening....I just want to go HOME

Well, I DID ask for an answer...and this is pretty much a signed, sealed and set in stone one...whether I like it or not

On top of that, I took time off today to come home and plant flowers...it had been sunny all morning...but as soon as I stepped outside it started to rain...I've been feeling a sore throat coming all morning so I didn't think planting flowers in the wind and rain would be beneficial so instead I have just been chillin at home...pretty much wasting the day away...and what do you know...here it is at 4 pm...and the sun returns

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I feel like Verizon...:)


Simple words are not enough to express our gratitude for the multitude of prayers. Shelly made it through her surgery just fine and the doctors now believe she is CANCER FREE!!!


Please Pray

My cousin Shelly goes into surgery today for her second round of cancer. This time it is in her liver and they are monitoring two other spots elsewhere. Please keep her lifted high in prayer. My heart goes out to her, if you can afford to give to this fight, please do, Cancer sucks and no one should ever have to go through this.

My Aunt Angie(my Mom's baby sister) wrote this:

You know what should never happen....

You should never have to spend Mother's day in a hospital watching your daughter recover from the second surgery from cancer. It is bad enough to watch her body be scarred from numerous surgeries from a two year fight against breast cancer. That is bad enough. Then just when we think we are at the end of that fight and can finally see clear skies we get the other bombshell. Two days after she was told she was cancer free, the dr. called and said he needed to do more testing because there was a spot in the liver he needed to check out further. After several weeks of testing, here we are in another battle for her life. It is cancer. She will have surgery on Wednesday and will very likely still be in the hospital on Mother's Day.
I know some of you have stories much more traumatic and certainly more heroic than this one. This one just happens to hit home to me. I am asking for two things in this letter. One, the most important to me is prayer. I am trusting in God to give us strength once again to fight this battle and win. Second, I'm asking for donations for our cause. We are on a mission to stamp out cancer in this generation. We believe with more research we can accomplish this. Shelly and I will be walking the Susan G. Koeman 3-day walk in Dallas in November. We have to raise $2300.00 before we can walk in that race. My personal goal is $6000.00 All the money will go to research.
Now is an excellent time to donate. If you have someone you'd like to give in memory of or in honor of you can list their name on the website. Please give now so no more mothers will spend their honored day in hospitals with this deadly disease.
Please support me in the fight to end Breast Cancer. Just follow the link. Together we can hold each other up and make a difference in our world.

Love to all,