After a weekend of warm southernly winds and sunshine, the snow was starting to melt and there are patches of ground showing through in spots...the snow turned soft and slushy...it was ALMOST like spring was actually probable....the 40 degree temps actually felt pretty WARM...but the north wind started to blow a gusty 60 mph....and this morning we are back to -11 and wind chill of -25...so spring...IT AIN'T HAPPENING :(
As anyone who knows me will know - this is like the movie - winter just keeps going and going and going - like a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from...
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Father, Take this Cup from Me
Matthew 26:36-39, NIV
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Today feels like my day in the garden...I am broken, my spirit is shattered. I can't take any more. Do I really have to drink from this cup???? So it feel like I am at the end of me. But it is not me that is in charge of where I am or where I go.
His will, not mine - to the glory of Thy Holy name - Amen
That's quite the prayer my friend. I'm so sorry the weather has taken such a nasty turn again. Even down here we had a drop today and I think I'm beginning to see how hard it must be for you up there. To go from a life time of this, to that, not nearly as easy as doing the opposite, it did take a couple of years for me to learn to love it in the south, but now that I do, I would not be happy with a change of scenery again. My prayers are with you, that it warms up soon, that you start to see some color, and that you have peace with letting go and giving it to God. I know that last is hard for me, especially right now (I'll explain later). So I'll pray for you and do me a favor and say a couple for me will you? You are right though, HIS will not ours..
"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."
I can so feel that phrase right now. I am so overwhelmed. I feel so alone in this place....even Jesus needed a friend at this low spot in order to "keep watch"
I have reached the point where I am just angry and bitter. I lash out at no one in particular and just can't find motivation anymore. My family is dealing with my mood swings very well so far and my boss too, I know my work has been far from productive. I feel that this brick wall in front of us will never go away. I can't even begin to hope for anything anymore because so many of my hopes have been shattered and crushed that I don't know what to hope for anymore. I know winter will end...eventually. But it will come back again as sure as anything. And until I have some justification of a life without winter there is not much hope of anything more than this. I can't take isolation and being locked up inside for months...it is a prison from which I can't break free or be paroled. I need to be set free. I need to be on my knees digging in the earth, planting life giving foliation...that is when I feel most alive. Right now I am on survival mode...and it sucks. 3 hard winters in two years...sucks. It sucks the life right out of ya.
Thank You Heather for your prayers. I will keep you in prayer as well. Peace girlfriend.
(((((Hugs))))) and prayers... I don't really have the words, I'm afraid...
Thanks Dusty!
I don't have the words really either, most time my emotions are just flowing out as tears. I hope all this moodiness ends soon and I get back on track. I have felt a sense of peace today, the anger is being replaced with a sense of dull sadness but I am a very optimistic person so eventually that will turn to hope again I am sure. After I wrote my last comment I sat in the dark with my coffee and Jak came and curled up beside me (something that he has NEVER done)I am questioning a lot and not getting a whole lot of answers right now but I know GOD is in control of this and will open up the opportunities that HE has planned for us when the time is right. Some days it feels like this is way more than I can endure...but I'm not dead yet so it must not be more than I can survive. I just wish I knew.
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